As I sat still, focusing on my breath rising and falling deep within my chest, I waited for the effects of the mushroom sacrament. As I visualised a column of light coming down through the top of my head and anchoring me to the ground beneath, I experienced a deep inner stillness. As I allowed myself to sink deeper into this stillness, I started falling down a deep tunnel. The journey had begun and my mind was dissolving. ..nothing to hold onto now, just breathe and let go. ..waves of energy caressing my body, with each pulse becoming stronger. Like birth contractions radiating through my whole being... Pain and Pleasure rolled into one. Like being torn apart to reveal something new... Fear and Ecstasy together. As flickering tongues reached out to get me, exquisite patterns swirled around my mind. As beautiful beasts threatened to take me over, waves of nausea rolled over me. These were my innermost fears, my demons and I had to conquer them by standing firm in my centre. As I bravely stepped into the dark abyss of the Unknown, I sank into the deepest pit of my own being. Face to face with my Self, I suffered the most intense aloneness as my soul cried out in agony. The absolute separateness I felt as an individual travelling through Life became so intensified that I felt myself become a tiny pinpoint within the vastness of the Universe. As the intensity of feeling reached climatic depths and heights, I felt I would explode... don't resist, just breathe, let go... as my Ego was shredded into a zillion pieces, my Soul screamed for an Eternity as it underwent Total Annihilation. Yet as I died, I was reborn. As I became Nothing, I also became Everything. As I lost my Self, I merged with something greater. As I pushed past my conscious boundaries, I expanded till the whole of Existence was within me. I was utterly Alone and yet completely at One with God. I was an empty vessel, an instrument of God's consciousness. The revelation that Life is simply the Journey Back to God hit me like a bomb. Good God, This Is It! I had lived lifetimes to come to this realisation and I had relived them all in the space of a few hours. It occurred to me that I was experiencing an ecstatic "religious" conversion, a mystical state of such profundity that I could hardly contain it. I became filled with compassion for all that exists, such humility and joy, such Love... wow, this really is it!!
Council on Spiritual Practices Home Page