Ingrid is a Swiss woman in her late 70's who had just completed a three week session at Takiwasi with the aim of coming to terms with the death of her husband ten years before. She had previously tried various new age therapies including rebirthing, kinesiology and holotropic breathwork, and also group therapy using LSD, but none of these had been successful in easing her pain.
I heard about Takiwasi at a new age conference in Heidelberg and decided to come here for treatment with natural plant medicines. I wrote to them and checked that age is not a handicap, prepared myself and came here. The setting is loving, full of wonderful, selfless, humble people. You can trust them, I feel very good here.
In the first session my aim was to be liberated from my grieving for the past ten years and from crying every day for seven years. The plant showed me wonderful flowers in all colours and in all forms, and afterwards it showed me children's playthings. I understood I have to be more joyful and it will come. After this vision I knew I would find the help I needed.
The second session was very difficult and I suffered very much. I felt tipsy and had trouble walking. I had visions - there was a very big cask of iron over my head and I was a prisoner and could just see through the visor. I became smaller and smaller and could see only the feet of people and their legs going past. I understood from that vision that life was passing by without me because I was so isolated. I wanted to get out of the cask, it was so oppressive, but I could not get out. It was awful, awful. Finally, I went outside and vomited terribly and when I came in it was better and the cask lifted up and I was free. But I was so tired I couldn't look at the image any longer. I lay down and tried to sleep and looked at the night, to come to reality.
The third session was a good, helpful session. Something came to help me, to tell me that it is all alright. At the beginning someone came and brought me a new heart - yellow, shiny, round, wonderful. They brought it to me here and put it into me. I wondered what became of my old heart but the shaman told me that "this yellow heart is the healing part of your heart" and I was very pleased.
The next session was painful. My knee hurt and I could not walk without support. I felt terror. I was again in a cage but this time it was the kind you use for a big bird. I was in there, and there were overhanging branches and all the snakes you could imagine and they came near me, everywhere. It was frightening and I really gave up, I said "I can't do this". The shaman felt my pain, he came and blew smoke at me and sang for me and then I said "help me, I have to go out or else I die" so we went out. I was trembling and the shaman held me and at that time I felt an empathy clear and pure with this man who helps people through such difficult times. I was trembling like a leaf and I felt this love, this divine state of purity.
During the sessions I wore a handkerchief around my neck that used to belong to my husband. I opened it at the knot and placed it in the shaman's pocket. At that moment I felt able to vomit and litres of liquid came out. It was as if it was tearing me apart. But afterwards I felt good and I think "I let go of my husband". This was the liberating moment. I had closed myself off in this cage and all the snakes were all the fears and accusations, guilt and shame I torture myself with. All these negative thoughts were with me in this cage and this liberated me and I could vomit it out.
After this session I was on a plant diet, drinking coca tea. I had wonderful dreams - I dreamt that the plant gave me a wonderful green dress. The green is the colour of the plant and it is also my favourite colour. When you put on a new dress your behaviour changes, so she was giving me new behaviour and also new blood. It came out red and she put it in green. So the whole blood system was changed. What more could I ask? She gave me a new heart, she took off the cask of sadness, she removed the prison, she cleaned my DNA and she allows me a new behaviour, isn't this amazing? She told me at the beginning that she would give me the key and the lock to open up.
©Nicholas Saunders and Anja Dashwood. Interview took place in Terapoto February 1997.
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